In eleven years (as of 2023), I’ve missed three births.
When I first started photographing births, this was my worst nightmare. Those of us who were attempting to wade into birth photography were still figuring out what works and what doesn’t work. I used to tell my birth clients to let me know when they head to the hospital and then again when they’ve reached 5cm. That’s when I’d show up. But, you'll see where this strategy falls apart. While it’s a rule of thumb that typical progression is 1 cm per hour, this has rarely been true in all the births I’ve photographed. I’ve seen moms go from 5cm to 10 cm in less than a half hour. And I, in fact, have been a mom who was “stuck” at 4cm for over 12 hours. It’s because of the time I missed the birth (well, one of three times) that I changed the strategy.
It was Memorial Day in 2014. I was with my family down in Walkerton, Indiana. I wasn’t expecting any birth activity that day. I hadn’t even considered myself “on-call” yet. But I got a text from a mom-to-be. She was having some activity, but she was confident she wasn’t in labor. They were in the car, on their way to the hospital. I told her I’d start heading that way, since I was further away than normal. But mom-to-be told me not to come just yet. She didn’t want to ruin Memorial Day for a false alarm. (First of all, you could never ‘ruin’ a holiday for me because the baby is on the way! This might have been the year when I had a baby born on every holiday. That was a cool year.). This mom had everything going for her & it was very early - everything that encouraged me that this was false labor. There wasn’t much doubt in mind that she was probably right and they’ll likely be spending the next 4 hours in triage being observed.
About 45 minutes later, I get a text from her sister, asking if I’d heard from mom-to-be. I briefly let her in on what we had planned. Mom-to-be would text me when she’s been admitted into the hospital. The next thing she wrote to me was something like, “She’s been admitted and she’s 9 cm.” I immediately knew I wouldn’t make it. There is just no way. I was going to miss the birth. I called my back up photographer, hoping she’d be immediately available. She was - and she arrived within about 10 minutes - and still missed the birth. When I arrived, I found out that the doctor barely made it and delivered the baby while wearing street clothes! The doula arrived about a half hour after I did.
No matter when I arrive, I always stay for a minimum of two hours. I was able to capture skin to skin, dad holding the baby for the first time, being weighed and measured, having a first bath, dad telling family out in the waiting room that the baby had arrived. I made a photo book for “Mom” & “Dad” not long after the big day. Looking at the book, except for the fact that there is no first breath picture, you might never know that I missed the birth. What I realized that day is that THAT moment is about 5% of the complete story. Maybe less. We still got so many meaningful moments on the day she was born. I ran into Mom-to-be, who is now Mom-of-three, at the grocery store earlier this year, and we caught up a bit in the bread aisle. She said something about the birth from 2014, as if I had been there for the entire thing. I reminded her I missed the literal birth, but was there for a few hours afterward. This only confirmed for me what I had already accepted - it’s wonderful to capture the literal moment of birth, but it’s not the whole story, and the story is still complete without it. Her photo book is the one that I show people during consultations when we’re talking about the possibility of missing the birth.
I no longer arrive at the hospital about when Moms are 5cm along. It almost sounds silly to me now, knowing what I know. When a mom hires me to photograph her birth, I ask her to let me know whenever she’s having questionable activity - any heads up is so appreciated. The two times I really rely on hearing from “Mom” or “Dad” are when they’re heading to the hospital and when they’ve been admitted to the hospital. When they’re heading to the hospital, I wrap up what I’m doing at that moment and head to the hospital myself. Then I hang out somewhere near the hospital, usually in my car, in a coffee shop, or in the hospital waiting room, until “Mom” is admitted. I’ve learned that often “Mom” IS put in triage for hours, only to be sent home until things progress more. Once she’s admitted, I’ve learned it’s rare for someone to be sent home.
And that was it. It wasn't nearly as scary as I had convinced myself it would be. In the end, the birth is documented and it's still a great story to tell all these years later!
I hope you enjoyed my story about the time I missed the birth!
If you're still looking for a Michiana Birth Photographer, please feel free to reach out and I will send you more information. It's an honor to be considered.
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